A Jewish journalist friend wrote to me:

Anna Karenina sure. But Gone with the Wind???? [He had asked me what I had been reading]

So your [Palestinian] friend’s kid is asking questions. Here is mine. It has intrigued me for some time, even more so since reading Shavit’s book. I don’t mean it polemically, and I only use the Christian phrase because there is no better one. When did the Jews commit the original sin? I mean since some Jews the came up wIth the idea of a Jewish state in Palestine. I don’t want to narrow the question down because that would make it too easy for you.

I replied:

My friend’s kid (8 years old) is advising her to get pregnant again so that if he gets kidnapped and burned alive like that other kid, she’ll still have a son.

Probably you’re being flip, but I would never say “the Jews” committed any original sin. Jews, like any collection of more than one human being, are individuals with wildly diverse opinions, beliefs, and experiences.

If you mean where did the main thrust of the Zionist movement go wrong, I’d say it’s when they decided Palestinians were less human than Jews and fundamentally less deserving of basic human rights. There was never a serious attempt to deal with them as equals. It was basically, “Accept our idea (which is domination of your homeland by people who mostly aren’t here yet, despite the fact that you’ve lived here for far more centuries than the ancient Israelite kingdom ever existed), or we’ll probably do it anyway.”

That was made clear by the Balfour Declaration. It was really a declaration of war. European Jews were going to go over the heads of the Palestinians to seek great power support for an essentially colonial project in the Palestinian homeland. The British tried to play both sides, but neither was fooled.

The Hebron massacre against Jews in 1929, though it can never be justified or condoned (not least because the mob who descended on Hebron targeted people who were some of the most likely to treat their neighbors as equals), did not come out of a vacuum. Jabotinsky’s young thugs at that time were marching through Jerusalem shouting the equivalent of today’s prevalent “Death to Arabs.” Their message was clear then as it is today: This land is ours. Get out or pay the price.

The Arab Revolt in Palestine (1936-39) was an attempt to gain independence instead of watching their homeland be given away. It was crushed, and Palestinians were left even more helpless in the face of what soon became well-armed and well-trained Zionist militias.

What followed in 1948 was no accident. Ethnically cleansing 750,000 people doesn’t just happen. There were Zionist terrorist attacks and rapes and massacres against the Natives, just like there always are in colonial conflicts.

(The high irony is that the Palestinians themselves are more likely to be descendents of Roman-era Jews than European Jews are. Not that distant, uprovable ancestry should confer any special privileges.) [The other high irony is if Israel had been a bit earlier to the colonialism table, they could have just committed genocide and been done with it.]

Some visionaries like Judah Magnes had another vision. But they were left out of the “serious adult” conversations. Count Bernadotte was just plain assassinated by Stern Gang terrorists when he tried to mediate a more equitable peace.

Ari Shavit is excellent at eliding just the right truths to make Israel seem as innocent as possible without seeming to be outright lying. He constantly goes to the brink and then lightly steps back, sweeping the most important realities neatly under the rug, or just shrugging at them. Lots of people are fooled by it.

But here’s what Moshe Dayan had to say in 1956 at the funeral of a Kibbutznik killed by a fighter from Gaza:

“Let us not cast the blame on the murderers today. Why should we deplore their burning hatred for us? For eight years they have been sitting in the refugee camps in Gaza, and before their eyes we have been transforming the lands and the villages, where they and their fathers dwelt, into our estate.”

Today, more than 70% of Gaza’s population comprises refugees from Israel’s coastal plain and their descendants.

Simple fact is, no people enjoy being colonized and dominated (much less thrown out) by outsiders. That’s just natural. Ben Gurion knew very well that there would be no “Jewish democratic state of Israel” in Palestine without some very dirty work.

Once you do this to another people, and convince yourself to feel OK about it, you have to keep doubling down. Because your only other option is to finally give up and denounce it, realize Palestinians did nothing to deserve their horrific fate, and call for equal rights for all humans in the Holy Land.

If you can’t bear to let go of the Zionist dream of a Jewish majority state on most of historic Palestine, then you have to keep doubling down. And that is an ugly spiral. There will always be resistance to theft and oppression. And you keep having to whack it, thwart it, brutalize people into submission, which just begets more resistance. (Stealing even more after the 1967 war was just plain greedy madness.)

Pretty soon the only way you can justify the reality you see around you is that “The Arabs just hate us for no reason. They’d rather kill their own children than make peace because they are barbarians, not sensitive humans like us.” And that’s racism, madness, a lie. You can use it to justify any atrocity. (You may not hear that in your circles in Israel, but proud, overt racism and bloodlust is becoming more and more prevalent and tolerated.)

Shavit manages to seem relatively genteel in his racism and elisions, but what he’s doing is saying that ethnically cleansing Palestinians — and maintaining that cleansing indefinitely — is OK because he likes it that way. Keeping millions more under a brutal occupation is OK, too, if necessary. He feels like he needs a state that caters to his religion / ethnicity even if he has to steal and kill for it. Too bad for the Palestinians. Wrong place at the wrong time. Oh well.

I haven’t even seen him show one real move toward working to end the occupation of the West Bank and Gaza. Lip service, sure, but nothing more than that. No call for boycotts, no plea to the US government to stop funding the madness.

What’s funny is that Israel could have won — they could have had a state on most of historic Palestine, despite the injustices they perpetrated. 78% of it! Palestinians were willing to do it for a long time, even though it was a bitter pil, as long as Israel acknowledged the 1948 Nakba (and made some reparations and allowed some agreed-upon number of refugees to return), removed most of the settlements, and shared Jerusalem fairly.

It would have been a bitter pill for many Zionists as well, though they have about 1% as much right to complain. As Lord Sydenham of the House of Lords said in 1922:

“They [European Zionists] have no more valid claim to Palestine than the descendants of the ancient Romans have to this country. The Romans occupied Britain as long as the Israelites occupied Palestine, and they left behind them in this country far more valuable and useful work. If we are going to admit claims based on conquest thousands of years ago, the whole world will have to be turned upside down.”

(Romans who stayed behind and became Britons are, of course, a different matter. So are Romans who wish to move to England and obey its laws. I know several Jews who live in Ramallah today.)

But Israel would never accept anything close to a two-state solution based on international law — giving up that last 22% — the minimum of Palestinian demands. They held all the cards, and they started to believe their own lies. Even Rabin increased the number of settlers during the Oslo “peace process” years.

And now it’s come to this. This slaughter in Gaza is unbelievable. Two random assholes, not affiliated with Hamas, allegedly committed a heinous crime (not long after Israeli snipers shot two unarmed Palestinian teenagers walking down the street, apparently for sport). Netanyahu then escalated it into holy hell for everyone.

For three kids killed by two criminals, the Israeli army has killed and maimed dozens of kids, to say nothing of the mass destruction (including of a center for the disabled, mosques, schools, and hospitals, and hundreds of civilian homes), or the other kid kidnapped and burned alive by Jewish extremists. Jewish extremists are encouraged every day by extremist members of the Knesset. No one in the US media talks about their incitement to racism and violence.

Extremists are also encouraged by the police, who rarely do anything to stop anti-Arab chants, harassment, intimidation, or beatings within Israel. They are encouraged by the army, who are in the West Bank to defend the settlers and don’t care if settlers harass, steal from, destroy the property of, or even murder Palestinians. Only when something threatens to become a PR disaster are any measures taken. More often than not, the quiet end result is a slap on the wrist, and the daily horrors go on.

I really, truly don’t understand how Palestinians stand this year after year and don’t lose their minds or their humanity entirely.

And I’m less and less tolerant of how otherwise fine Israelis (and Americans) are able to do the mental gymnastics necessary to justify systematic theft and violence against a mostly helpless civilian population.

Sorry if my tone isn’t as gentle as one might hope. Pointless mass murder does that to me.

Until Operation Cast Lead, I had both hope and sympathy for a two-state solution that let Israel keep its Zionism — and that was hard-won, given what I had seen. Now I have neither.

The bottom line is, Israel keeps creating enemies and then using those enemies as pretexts for more theft and brutality.

Where do you think it will end?


P.S. Gone with the Wind is fascinating, if exhausting. I’m learning all kinds of unsavory things about the origins of Southern culture. It reminds me, actually, of Israeli culture, in that a goodly number of them genuinely managed to convince themselves that the slaves were better off enslaved, and all those stories about horse whips and bloodhounds were just rumors started by Yankee troublemakers.

He wrote back:

My question has to do with one’s vision of the conflict. It certainly doesn’t have an “answer” as such, but has preoccupied me for some time.

Is there one moment which signalled the end of the Napoleonic Empire? Yes, it was when Napoleon made a tactical blunder at Waterloo.

Was there one moment which signalled the failure of the American campaign to conquer Vietnam? Yes, it was the Tet Offensive of 1968.

In your mind, can you pinpoint that moment in the israeli-Palestinian conflict? That is, the moment when the Zionist enterprise went wrong?

Me again:

I’m sure you’ve heard of “The Iron Wall,” the essay by Jabotinsky written in 1923 (originally in Russian). It basically said the Palestinians won’t let us take over most or all of their land willingly, so:

“Zionist colonisation must either stop, or else proceed regardless of the native population. Which means that it can proceed and develop only under the protection of a power that is independent of the native population – behind an iron wall, which the native population cannot breach.” The only solution to achieve peace and a Jewish state in the Land of Israel, he argued, would be for Jews to first establish a strong Jewish state, which would eventually prompt the Arabs to “drop their extremist leaders, whose watchword is ‘never!’ and pass the leadership to the moderate groups, who will approach us with a proposal that we should both agree to mutual concessions.”

So basically, they won’t give it to us, so we take it and hold onto it no matter what we have to do until they learn to accept their position as supplicants to us. And that’s basically what mainstream Zionists did and have been doing ever since.

And that was just bound to get ugly. More and more and greater and greater power and brutality rarely lead to a conciliatory attitude from either side. It leads to a “tiger by the tail” scenario, and also an arrogance of power. (The racism that justifies violence rarely abates after the violence is done.)

What Israelis truly don’t understand is that Palestinians are, by and large, some of the most magnanimous and forgiving people on the face of the earth. But they’ve never really been approached with respect, never with anything but imperious contempt and suspicion and brutality.

The Oslo years were a rare time of tremendous and real hope, but even Rabin kept building settlements during those years (they ultimately doubled during the “peace process”), and the settlers were effectively rewarded after the Baruch Goldstein massacre, Arafat was promised he wouldn’t be blamed if the Camp David talks fell through, and then he was solely blamed, and on and on. A million little humiliations and thefts, all the time. Interspersed with occasional mass destruction and massacres.

There wasn’t just one moment when Zionism went wrong. It’s always been infused with “Our people are better and more important than your people” (i.e., racism) and deep trauma that’s easy to transfer onto whoever’s in front of you and seems to be threatening you. Palestinians become “Nazis” in the minds of many Israelis, and brutality becomes misplaced revenge, and the whole thing feeds on itself.

Now Israelis fear that if they give half an inch, they’ll lose everything. And they may be right. But not in the way they think. They think losing Zionism, and permitting equal rights for all, will be tantamount to their destruction. When in fact it’s the only way to save not only their lives but also their souls.

I don’t see a good result otherwise. Palestinians will never just disappear, or totally submit. And the more Israel keeps trying, the more extremists will get a foothold in an otherwise fairly reasonable population. (The unity deal Hamas was trying to sign when all this broke out would have made them effectively subordinate to Fatah, who have bent over backwards to try to appease the Israelis, always getting a kick to the teeth for their trouble.)

Israelis are still waiting for Palestinians to say, “You were right all along and you can have what you want. We’re sorry for all we’ve done to you. You didn’t deserve any of it. We should have just given our land away to begin with [because you have a greater claim than we do].”

Sorry, but Palestinians aren’t going to say that. Especially while Israel is still actively brutalizing and stealing from them. Most non-religious Zionists, who think of land as a possession and a fortress, have no inkling of what the land means for the Palestinians. Religious Zionists of all people, who pined for the land for 2000 years, should know that 60 or 100 years is nothing.

The West Bank and Gaza settlements were a kind of Waterloo, though. It created a whole massive and impassioned settler population whose very existence was threatened by real respect and peace based on international law. I don’t think that was accidental.

Problem is, Israel’s brainwashing has wound everyone up so tight that a fair two-state solution is basically impossible, and a one-state solution will probably be a bloody mess, at least for a while. The majority of Israeli Jews just can’t conceive of giving up their special privileges (which they see as natural rights).

Any more than antebellum Southern whites could imagine paying slaves, or letting them up and leave whenever they wanted to. And they hung onto subjugating black people as long and as hard as they could, even after they lost the war. Luckily Palestinians have had more opportunities to be educated and connected in this modern world, so maybe it wouldn’t be quite so ugly, once they have some modicum of leverage. One can hope.

(Read A Doctor in Galilee and The Secret Life of Saeed: The Pessoptimist for a taste of the Kafkaesque fourth-class status of Palestinian-Israelis, who are ostensibly full citizens of Israel.)

Of course, the Palestinians don’t have a bunch of Yankees to fight their slavemasters. But they do have what black South Africans had: world opinion on their side, and a devastating boycott that is rapidly picking up steam. Here’s hoping that’ll have a non-violent if very painful effect.

Question back to you: How do you define “Zionism”? You asked me if I condemned the very concept. What I condemn is how it’s turned out, how the racists and extremists in a time of crisis won out (as usual) and never stopped upping the ante.

How do you wish it had turned out? What would you see as acceptable, realistic Zionism?

(I haven’t heard back from him yet. Will let you know if/when I do.)

Meanwhile, here’s a poem I wrote on the subject of “claiming” Palestine:

Ajnabiya [Foreign Girl] in Palestine

Palestine is mine
as much as anyone’s,
which is to say
not at all.

If you are very lucky
and very quiet
you may find
that you belong
to Palestine.

But Palestine
can never belong
to you.

Palestine, Fall 2009

I’m posting extensively on Facebook about the current round of insanely disproportionate violence against mostly innocent Palestinians. Please follow me there if you’d like to follow the links and commentary I post.

Peace and justice for all.


Dear friends,

Hello from Tulsa! Ahmed and I are settling into our new apartment south of downtown, with a gorgeous view of the sunset over the Arkansas River. We also have — luxury of luxuries — a balcony, where we’re growing herbs and tomatoes. I’ve set my writing desk up to look out over the river. Much more inspiring (and less distracting) than the concrete canyons of NYC, at least for now.

A wider-angle shot of our balcony view

A shot of our balcony view

Tulsa is unreasonably beautiful in spring, with many well-maintained running trails, parks, and open lawns full of flowering trees. There’s a surprising stateliness to Tulsa. The downtown is known for its art deco architecture, and it’s been revitalized lately by some forward-thinking investors who turned an inner city desert into a cool neighborhood of shops, restaurants, bars, museums, and the new Guthrie Green, a beautiful outdoor venue.

Last week we went there with a friend and her daughter to watch a simulcast of a symphonic performance in the park. Best of both worlds, really. How often do you get to watch a symphony in shorts and flip flops AND watch the sun set (and kids playing), all while drinking wine?

Our little herb garden

Our little herb garden

The road trip through Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee was a lot of fun. Our newly acquired car, a midnight blue 2005 Dodge Stratus named Jasmine, made it through beautifully, and we enjoyed no less than five home-cooked Palestinian feasts along the way. (I don’t do this work for the food, but it’s a nice perk!)

At Wright State University in Dayton, OH

At Wright State University in Dayton, OH

Most of the venues on this tour were churches and universities. The good news and the bad news is that most of the audiences were pretty savvy. Good because they do exist. Bad because, well, the people we need to reach most are apparently hard to reach. But it’s been incredibly heartening to meet such dedicated and knowledgeable groups literally all over the country. Everywhere you go, you can find them (a good percentage of them being Jewish), and it’s wonderful to feel myself a part of this community. And there are always a few people who come in just curious and leave with rather wide eyes (and usually a copy of the book).

Even better has been meeting with church leaders. There’s starting to be serious push-back against Christian Zionism, both as politics and as theology. I don’t think the younger generations are going to be so blinded by it.

Sunset over the Arkansas River

Sunset over the Arkansas River

A visit to the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis underscored the challenges and rewards of being on the right side of history. It’s easy to forget how much people in our own country—supposedly a democracy—have had to work and suffer just to be afforded their most basic rights. While watching videos of African Americans being beaten for simply sitting at lunch counters, I couldn’t help but think: One day there will be a museum of Israel’s outrages against the Palestinians, and our children will have NO IDEA how anyone could have let something like that happen.

Sounds familiar, BDS activists?

Sound familiar, BDS activists?

After we got back from the road trip, I caught a plane to Portland for a conference hosted by Sabeel, a Palestinian-led Christian peace and justice organization. The line-up was incredible and included Max Blumenthal, Miko Peled, Dr. Mads Gilbert, Mazin Qumsiyeh, Cindy and Craig Corrie, Rev. Dr. Naim Ateek, Chris McGreal (one of my favorite journalists when I lived in Palestine), Phyllis Bennis, Mark Braverman, Josh Reubner, Rev. Don Wagner, Brian McLaren (a successful Christian author who speaks in the best tradition of Christianity, humbly and honestly seeking truth and peace for all), and many others.

It was truly an honor to be among them. I just wish we’d had more time together than two days!

No big deal -- just Easter with the family for the first time in years!

No big deal — just Easter with the family for the first time in years!

Ahmed is making connections in the Oklahoma soccer world and will lead his first practice session for a team of twelve-year-olds this week. And I’m pretty excited about many months in a row with no major book tours — just good writing time.

We’ll see where soccer coaching and writing will take us in the next few years. Just trying to “follow our bliss” and hoping the universe will lay out a nice path for us.

Love and light and flowering trees,


P.S. My husband has also been trying his hand at graphic design. (He designed the first cover for my book, the one with the hookah girl.)

His latest project was to create a gorgeous high-quality World Cup bracket poster, with spaces to write in the scores and six sheets of 32 stickers with the flags of each team, so you can place them on the bracket as the tournament goes on. It’s a fun way to follow the games, and a great way to support an up-and-coming coach/graphic designer. :)

Ahmed and I just bought our first car together, and we’re heading out soon on a tour through Missouri, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee in the second half of March. (I’ll also be at the Sabeel Conference in Portland April 4-5.) We’d love to see some of you along the way!

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to be in touch: pamolson (a) gmail. You can learn more about Fast Times in Palestine on the book’s website.


Here are the tour dates:


Sunday, March 16
Food for Thought
Crescent Hill Church
142 Crescent Avenue
Phone: (502) 893-5381

Carmichael’s Bookstore
2720 Frankfort Ave

Tuesday, March 18
Presbyterian Church Luncheon
100 Witherspoon St
Room 4000

Crescent Hill Library
2762 Frankfort Avenue Louisville
Phone: (502) 574-1793

Church of the Epiphany
914 Old Harrods Creek Rd
Phone: (502) 245-9733

Wednesday, March 19
University of Louisville
Ekstrom Library Chao Auditorium

University of Louisville
J.B. Speed Auditorium (Room 100)


Thursday, March 20
Wright State University
Health Science Building, Room 116
(contact: Rana Odeh, rkodeh@gmail.com)

Friday, March 21
Greater Discussions Group
Dayton International Peace Museum
208 W Monument Ave, Dayton, OH
(contact: Anthony Massoud, tmassoud211@cs.com)

Saturday, March 22
Dayton Islamic Center
3662 E Patterson Rd, Beaver Creek, OH (937) 429 9477
(contact: Bashir Ahmed, bgakingfisher@yahoo.com)


Sunday, March 23
First Unitarian Universalist Church of Columbus
93 W. Weisheimer

Monday, March 24
Currents Forum
St. John’s Evangelical Protestant Church
59 East Mound St


Tuesday, March 25
University of Kentucky
Memorial Hall
610 S. Limestone


Friday and Saturday, April 4-5

I’ll also be speaking April 4-5 at the Sabeel Conference in Portland.

The line-up is incredible and includes Max Blumenthal, Miko Peled, Dr. Mads Gilbert, Mazin Qumsiyeh, Cindy and Craig Corrie, Rev. Dr. Naim Ateek, Chris McGreal (one of my favorite journalists when I lived in Palestine), Phyllis Bennis, Mark Braverman, Josh Reubner, Rev. Don Wagner, and many others. I can’t wait!

Details and registration can be found here. It should be an amazing gathering.


Dear friends,

Apologies for the long radio silence. Last year was a bit buried in book tours and just enjoying married life. (Wedding pics here if you haven’t seen them yet.) This year has been great so far, with flying trapeze lessons and a surprise birthday gift from Jon Stewart. And it’ll bring many changes, including a big move (we’re leaving New York) and a road trip book tour with my husband (in the mid-South).

My last tour of 2013 took me through Upstate New York, Canada, and the Midwest, with a very quick stop in Tulsa to interview with Teresa Miller on “Writing Out Loud,” a PBS program. It aired on January 13. It was one of my favorite interviews of the year. You can view it at this link.

In December, a long article of mine was published in The Link about the one-sided farce of the “peace process,” and how it will hopefully die once and for all this year. It’s called “Farewell, Fig Leaf.”

I got a little Christmas money, so I found a trapeze school in NYC and signed up for two lessons. The first time I did it, I was swimming in adrenaline for hours. The second time, I was able to calm down and learn a pretty neat release trick (straddle whip) and be caught in midair. Ahmed took videos, and you can see a short highlight reel here.

My first catch trick

My first catch trick

I’ve also been beefing up my website with resources for people interested in going further after reading Fast Times in Palestine — learning more, visiting the region, or becoming active in the struggle for justice. I finished half the Chapter Companions and posted links to every section that’s been cut from the book. You can find it all here.

And here’s the story of the birthday present from Jon Stewart. I’ll cherish it always. Though I would rather it have been an invitation to appear on his show…

As for the big move: Ahmed and I are leaving New York at the end of February and heading to Tulsa! He wants to switch careers from finance to soccer coaching. I think it’s a much better fit for him, and he’s been volunteering, working, and studying toward that end for quite a while. Tulsa is a good soccer town, and I’ll be happy to be near many good friends and family, with clean air, big skies, and an abode larger than a shoebox. Gorgeous sunsets, grass, lakes, thunderstorms, the Big Splash water park, cousins, nephews, and a much calmer environment in which to write. Sounds great to me.

After three years, Ahmed will have his citizenship and we’ll be free agents. It’ll be interesting to see where his career is by then, and where it might take us. Luckily I can write anywhere — and hopefully by then I’ll have another couple of books under my belt. (I’m working on two now — a novel and a sequel to Fast Times.)

Finally, I’ve been invited to give talks in Louisville and Lexington, Kentucky on March 19 and 25. We’re planning on making a road trip out of it, and swinging through other states and cities as well.

So if you know of anyone in Missouri, Kentucky, southern Ohio, Tennessee, Arkansas, or areas nearby who might wish to put together an event with me in March about my book, writing, or Palestine in general, please let me know. Or just friends who might like to meet an Okie and a Turk along the way.

Thanks so much and lots of love!

Pamela and Ahmed



So, Ahmed and I are leaving New York at the end of February and heading to Tulsa! He wants to switch careers from finance to soccer coaching. I think it’s a much better fit for him, and he’s been volunteering, working, and studying toward that end for quite a while. Tulsa is a good soccer town, and I’ll be happy to be near many good friends and family, with clean air, big skies, and an abode larger than a shoebox.

We’ll be there for at least the next few years. Really excited. After three years, Ahmed will have his citizenship and we’ll be free agents. It’ll be interesting to see where his career is by then, and where it might take us. Luckily I can write anywhere — and hopefully by then I’ll have another couple of books under my belt as well.

Finally, I’ve been invited to give talks in northern Kentucky in mid-late March. We’re thinking of making a road trip out of it, swinging through other states in the area that might be interested in hosting me for a book talk.

I don’t have time to do the outreach and organizing this time. But if you know of anyone in Missouri, Kentucky, southern Ohio, Tennessee, Arkansas, or areas nearby who might wish to put together an event with me in March about my book, writing, or Palestine in general (or just friends to meet along the way), please let me know.

And please feel free to send this link to anyone who may be interested!

Thanks so much and lots of love,

Pamela and Ahmed

For the past few months, I’ve been beefing up my website with resources for people interested in going further after reading Fast Times in Palestine — from learning more to visiting the region to becoming active in the struggle for justice.

I’ve also finished around half of the Chapter Companions and posted all of the sections that have been cut from the book for reasons of length.

Here’s everything I’ve posted so far:

Suggestions for improvement are most welcome.

I hope you’ll find it useful, and if so, spread the word!


OK, it’s not quite as awesome as it sounds… but pretty awesome.

So I still haven’t fulfilled my dream of appearing on the Daily Show. My publicist tried to get me on — no luck. I mailed the Daily Show a copy of my book with a nice letter — no luck. I watch his show like every single night — he doesn’t even seem to notice.

So I finally decided to go for broke and just go to the show (I live six blocks from the studio) and hand deliver a copy of my book to Jon. Of course the day I manage to get tickets is (a) my birthday and (b) a blizzard. (My toes are still recovering.)

Whatever. I hike in the snow to get my ticket, wait in a godforsaken Subway Sandwich shop for two hours, wait out in the snow again to be let into the studio, and I’m one of the last 20 people who make it in by the skin of our teeth. In the back row. Of course.

So the warm-up comedian comes out, followed by Jon himself, and Jon riffs on the terrible weather and asks people if they came from somewhere warm. He glances in the direction of my section and says, “Was there a question over here?”

I seize the opportunity and raise my hand high. He calls on me. I say, “I don’t have a question, but it’s my birthday!”

He goes, “Oh, happy birthday! Did someone bring you here?”

“I brought myself.” (My husband had to work. I live six blocks away. Just got the ticket last night. No big deal.)

His face falls and he says, “Wow, that is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

The audience titters and I say, “And I brought you a gift!”

Jon pauses. “You’re here alone, on your birthday, and you brought ME a gift? Oh man, uh… I got you something, too!” He looks at his hand, which is holding a pen. “A pen!”

The audience laughs again. He hands it to the front row to hand back to me, and I pass my book down to him. He takes it and reads, “Fast Times in Palestine: A Love Affair with a Homeless Homeland. This sounds like a really interesting book. Is that something you wrote?”

I say, “Yeah. And there’s a dick joke in it!”

The audience laughs big and Jon looks mock-stunned. (Even the camera guys are smiling.) He says, “That was going to be my next question: Is there a dick joke in it?” He flips the book over and says, “So you lived there?”

“Yeah, for two years.”

“What did you do?”

“I was there first as a tourist, then a volunteer, then a journalist, then I worked with a Palestinian presidential candidate.”

“Wait, how long did you say you lived there?”

“Two years.”

“So, in other words, you did more in two years than most of us do in our whole lives.” The audience chuckles again. “So what’s the dick joke? Is it something lewd, something raunchy? Like, ‘Hey, I got your Dome of the Rock right here…'”

I laugh. “No, it’s a… translation problem.”

“Ah. Nice. Thanks. Anyway, we gotta get started…” And soon the show began and the cameras were rolling.

So tonight when the episode airs, if Jon isn’t playing with a pen as usual… It’s because I have it. :)


P.S. If you’re wondering WHY I brought up a dick joke instead of something more serious, it came from a Facebook thread where I was lamenting the fact that I still hadn’t managed to appear on The Daily Show. A friend said, “Maybe he doesn’t know how to convert your particular story into ‘funny.'” He suggested I let him know there’s a pretty funny dick joke in my book. (Jon is always talking about and making dick jokes — it’s a recurring theme.)

I thought about it and realized it would certainly be better (in that setting) than trying to be earnest, or worse, begging to be on the show like a schmuck. :)


Dear readers,

Happy 2014! I have a lot of really good feelings about this year. The BDS campaign is massively ramping up, in snowball fashion, I have some nice talks coming up in Louisville, Portland, and hopefully Scotland, and my book is still selling well and getting great feedback. My husband and I are getting ready for a big move, and I’m working on two more books — a novel and a sequel to Fast Times.

We’re also thinking of doing a road trip in March through Missouri, Kentucky, possibly Ohio, Tennessee, and the Deep South and doing as many book talks as we can organize, if anyone has contacts in those areas. (If we get really ambitious, we might try to include the Virginias and Carolinas as well.) My husband will be with me, which will be really nice! The worst part of most book tours is missing him.

In December I had a long article published in The Link, the publication of Americans for Middle East Understanding, about why the “peace process” has always been a sham, and the bloom is finally starting to come off the rose. It’s called “Farewell, Fig Leaf.”

In the fall I was interviewed on “Writing Out Loud,” an Oklahoma program on PBS that interviews authors such as Khaled Hosseini and Dan Rather. It aired on January 13. You can watch the 27-minute interview at this link. It was one of my favorite interviews of the year.

Finally, just for fun, I used my Christmas money this year to take two Flying Trapeze lessons. It was more fun than I could have imagined — highly recommended. Here’s a short video of me doing the most advanced trick I was able to learn (straddle whip).

Weeeeeee! :)





On the last day of 2010, I created a list of my Top Ten Blog Posts up until that time. Three years later, I think it’s time to do it again. So, here are my favorite blog posts of the past three years.

(Note: this list doesn’t include the excerpts from my book that I’ve posted. For those, go to the book’s Table of Contents. It also doesn’t include the Chapter Companions for my book, which have photos and extra stories to go with each chapter.)


    1. Wedding Bells (June 2013)
      Pretty much the most exciting thing to happen to me in the past three years was getting married. Here are some of my favorite pics from the celebration. Minus the tornado sirens going off the night before…

    2. Book Tour Report (May 2013)
      The other most exciting thing was touring with my book — I did nearly 100 events in about 20 states and 3 Canadian provinces. Here’s the report back from the first leg of the tour. Good winds are blowing…

    3. Olives in Salem (Written Fall 2007, posted March 2011)
      Harvesting olives in a village near Nablus.

    4. Olives and Movie Stars (Written Fall 2007, posted December 2013)
      More olive harvesting (in Battir), a hilarious film shoot at Snobar, and other good times in Palestine.

    5. Statehood bid? What statehood bid? (September 2011)
      I visited Palestine in the fall of 2011 to visit friends, do a book tour, and see what the atmosphere was like as Palestinian representatives asked the United Nations to accept them as a member state. Here is what I found.

    6. Grampa Red (February 2012)
      My grandfather passed away in January 2012. This is my tribute to the great man — a world-class wood-carver (self-taught in his 60s), amateur fiddler (self-taught in his 80s), cattle rancher, electrician, plumber, carpenter, post hole digger, fence mender, serial cow dog owner, hay baler, tractor cusser, coffee drinker, biscuits-and-gravy eater, and many other things to many people in his long life.

    7. Turks & Caicos & Irene (September 2011)
      What do you get when you cross a weekend vacation with a hurricane — twice? Not to mention the little adventure with the kayak…

    8. Galapagos Part 1 (October 2010)
      Someone showed me a deal for a $500 ticket to the Enchanted Islands. How could I resist?

    9. Galapagos Part 2 (November 2010)
      Islands and boobies, iguanas and volcanoes, beaches and sharks…

    10. Jon Stewart’s Triple Threat (March 2012)
      Some daring brilliance by the team at the Daily Show about the Israel/Palestine situation



    1. Rawan Yaghi — Gaza’s Searing Voice (March 2012)
      A young woman with incredible writing skills and passion. One to watch.

    2. Sinai to Canaan (September 2011)
      More about my 2011 trip to Palestine.

    3. Life on the Road (November 2011)
      Another short piece about my 2011 trip to Palestine.

    4. Poetry (January 2012)
      Just sharing a couple of poems I wrote to kick off the new year in 2012.

    5. Turkish Exile (September 2012)
      Due to a visa snafu (thanks, US Consulate in Istanbul), my boyfriend at the time (soon to be fiance/husband) got stuck in Turkey for several months. So I joined him there. A few days after I arrived, he proposed!

    6. On (Not) Bending the Arc of History (August 2011)
      An article by Drew Westen in the New York Times that eloquently explains why Obama’s presidency has been such a bitter disappointment to people like me who actually (perhaps foolishly) believed he would try to change things for the better in our nation.

    7. Letter to President Obama (August 2011)
      I sent this letter and a copy of my book to President Obama, for what it’s worth…

    8. Occupation as a Dead Mammoth (July 2011)
      An aptly vile metaphor.

    9. “A Gaza Diary” by Chris Hedges (October 2001)
      An almost unbelievable article by a former Middle East bureau chief for the New York Times about the Gaza Strip during the early part of the second Intifada.

    10. On ‘Cycles of Violence’ (March 2011)
      Why these cycles are easy to start and a research paper that examines who usually breaks periods of calm between Israelis and Palestinians (hint: it’s not the Palestinians)


Here’s something I wrote when I was in Palestine in 2007. Just hadn’t posted it yet. Some snapshots of life in beautiful Palestine. Good times.

Olives in Battir

On Friday, October 26, I accompanied a friend to Battir village, which is one of the most picturesque villages in Palestine (and that’s really saying something). It’s built on a hillside not far from Bethlehem, and some of its buildings are carved in part from the living rock of the mountain.

Here are a few pictures that can’t really capture the beauty of the village but at least they give some indication. (More pics here.)

The village is surrounded by national park land — the hilly land of four nearby Palestinian villages that Israel destroyed in 1948 and then forested with conifers in order to hide the evidence. You can still find the ruins of these villages if you know where to look. The residents of the villages are mostly living in Dheisheh and Aida refugee camps near Bethlehem now, and they still maintain their identities and their ties with Battir.

A spring runs down from the center of town into the narrow valley below, where it’s caught in a reservoir at night and apportioned to farmers during the day according to ancient custom.

Battir has a unique relationship with Israel because the village is right on the Green Line, and much of Battir’s land is on the Israeli side of the Green Line. Israel wanted control of a Jerusalem-to-Tel Aviv railroad line that follows the Green Line as it passes through the middle of Battir’s land.

The deal they worked out seems almost inconceivable today: Israel agreed to allow Battiris to access their land on both sides of the Green Line if the village would allow Israel to control the track through it. (Later the Israeli government tried to build the Wall through Battir’s land, which would destroy much of it and most likely cause the collapse of their ancient farming techniques. here’s a recent article in Haaretz about how its unique and historic ecology is threatened by the Wall.)

We caravanned out to some land on the other side of a hill to harvest with two older Battiris and their two grown daughters, both of whom live and work in Ramallah. Another American girl with us, who works with a Palestinian Ministry, and we chatted about fascinating issues in international law, development, Ministry planning, and scholarships for various international graduate schools while we climbed around the dusty trees. They also mentioned they have a neighbor in town who looks exactly like George Clooney.

The daughters told us Battir was known in the area as a relatively progressive village, and Battiris sort of looked down their noses at the other villages for being less educated and more closed-minded.

Of course, I said, the surrounding villages probably looked down on Battiris for being more likely to go to hell. Just like Methodists and Baptists in my home town of Stigler. Everybody’s gotta have some reason to feel better than other people.

Battir’s call to prayer was prettier than the one from the nearest village, though. Battir definitely gets a point for that.

A carload of Swedes joined us eventually (they were in Palestine working on some sort of student radio journalism project), just in time to sit down to a massive picnic lunch of home-made maqloubeh and farmer’s salad.

After another half an hour of work the olives were done, and we headed back into town to wash our hands in the spring and munch on grapes, home-made fruit-roll-up-like things made with grapes and sesame seeds, and coffee on yet another porch looking out on yet another breathtaking panorama.

Porches with great views seem to be one of Palestine’s most abundant natural resources. If one could put a price on and export such things, I have no doubt Palestine would be rich as the Emirates.

Film Shoot in the Pines

Back in Ramallah the next day, there was a film shoot at Snobar (an outdoor cafe and public pool nestled in pine trees on a hillside, hence the name, which means “pine”). The film is being made jointly by various Europeans, Palestinians from Israel, and Palestinians from the West Bank, and mostly with Palestinian money, which I was told was a first.

I arrived on time (which translates into Arab time as “two hours early”) in order to play an extra during a wedding scene. I chatted with the Palestinian boom operator from Nazareth and the German sound man while I waited for the shoot to begin.

Snobar was done up beautifully with lights in the overhanging vines and trees and on the bushes, little bowls with flames scattered around, centerpieces of local green grapes, pomegranates, and fuchshia flowers on white tablecloths, stone steps for the wedding procession, and tall lighted delicate silver wire cylinders.

My friend Muzna showed up with her French boyfriend, and we were joined at our table by the wife of the “actor” who was playing the Best Man — actually the owner of the Zeit ou Zaatar restaurant on Main Street in Ramallah (which was also doing the catering for the shoot), who walked around in his tux and red bowtie and slick hair and make-up like he’d been doing it all his life. He jokingly offered us autographs for five shekels each.

Three other men joined our table and we talked and joked in a mix of Arabic and English and French. We were having so much fun we didn’t mind too much when there was another delay that left us sitting there for an extra half hour. I suggested we merely pretend we were hanging out at Snobar, and a couple of us even managed to finagle a beer out of the owner, even though you’re not really supposed to have alcohol on a film set. (Any time you say “supposed to” in Palestine, it’s generally taken as a challenge.)

The technicians worked around us setting up the camera track and the lighting as the sun set and the moon rose. The lighting made it seem like broad daylight on set all night.

Finally the actors playing the bride and groom showed up. The bride was a slim, radiant, curly-haired half-Egyptian half-Palestinian who grew up in Lebanon, and the groom was an impossibly handsome Palestinian who looked like Cary Grant dressed up as James Bond.

The wife of the “Best Man” at our table, eyebrows raised, said what we were all thinking:

Al Arees ktir zaki, ah?”

It’s difficult to translate this well. Al arees means the groom. Ktir means very. Zaki means delicious or tasty or savory, but in kind of a delightfully unctuous way. And Ah is slang for yes. So you can say, “The groom is quite tasty, yes?” But it sounds infinitely better in patrician, matter-of-fact Arabic.

Zaki groom (center) and Best Man (right) with a musician from Nazareth

Zaki groom (center) and Best Man (right) with a musician from Nazareth

The bride was a delight, too. Even between takes she would dance around and flirt with everyone. Half a dozen men from Nazareth came dressed up in baggy pants, black shoes, gold cummerbunds, maroon shirts and gold vests to provide the drumming and singing for the wedding party.

The trouble was, once they got started drumming and singing, it was hard to get them to stop. They’d get into the music like it was the real thing and not even hear the director when he yelled, “Cut!”

At the end of the wedding scene, when all the guests were supposed to go out onto the floor and dance to a Nancy Ajram song along with the bride and groom, the DJ would let everyone dance and clap long after the director yelled “Cut!” He almost seemed to forget it wasn’t a wedding; as if it would be rude to cut the music off while everyone was having such a good time.

Then they’d have a scene of guests at the wedding talking, and some of the guests would wander off while the cameras were rolling in order to talk to a (real, not pretend) friend at the next table. When the sound guy would ask a table to just give him twenty seconds of straight clapping, it was utterly beyond them. Within five seconds of starting to clap, they’d be adding counter-rhytms, singing, and shouts. Sometimes the drummer would start up, too, unbidden. It was like herding ducks.

But it was genuine. If they were going for verisimilitude, they had it.

I wondered if people on most film shoots had this much fun.

The Best Man threatened to steal the show, though, because his personality was so singular and unabashed. He was a terrific actor, playing his part with effortless commitment. He seemed so generally ebullient and talented that he would probably excel at just about anything he tried. Indeed, he owns one of the zakiest restaurants in town. His wife told us he gets up sometimes late at night and cooks feasts for her. She said he loves doing it.

He came by our table after the shoot was finished, when we were finally served our free dinner from Zeit ou Zaatar, which was our only pay. He had a single large clove of roasted garlic in his hand, which he squeezed out onto his wife’s plate, scooped up with some of his restaurant’s bread, and fed to her. Then he skipped away singing cheerfully in Arabic, “No kissing tonight!”

Lucky woman.

It was all good fun. I can’t wait to see how it comes out on film.

Afterwards I was all dressed up with no place to go, so I headed to Zan bar in my formal make-up and black dress to see who I might run into. Sure enough I ran into six people I knew (and this was on a slow night), one of them a Palestinian from Qalandia who speaks almost accentless English and looks European. He welcomed me back to town (this was the first he’d seen me since I came back to Ramallah) and asked what I was up to and why I had come back. I said, “I don’t know, it just feels home-like somehow. I couldn’t stay away.”

He asked me why I thought that was.

I answer this question in a different way each time, and this time the answer I came up with was, “Because the place has a nice culture, a very welcoming culture, that I’m not really a part of, but that I’m always welcome in. So it doesn’t impose on me in any way. I can go off and be whatever I want to be and do whatever I want, and nobody bothers me. But it’s always there waiting if I need it.”

He nodded, lost in thought for a moment. Then he half-smiled and said, “You know, you’re making me fall in love with Palestine even more.”

Bach in Ramallah

Tuesday night, October 30, there was a concert by musicians from the Kamandjati music school here in Ramallah, three Italians and two Palestinians playing concertos and string quartets by Bach, Brahms, and Ravel in memory of Edward Said.

Bach is a favorite of mine, and they played him soaringly. At one point the next song on the program was supposed to be another Bach, but within three notes I could tell it definitely wasn’t Bach. (Which is strange if you think about it. How can a person’s entire style be differentiated based on three notes? Sounds vaguely holographic.) Then I remembered they’d been talking about Ravel, and I figured there must have been a change.

So I was listening to this Ravel piece, and it sounded sad, like a requiem. For some reason I imagined the earth being destroyed and this page of music by Ravel being the only thing left, floating in space.

I wondered if any alien species who found it would be able to (1) figure out that it was a kind of meaningful language, (2) discern that it was a map of frequencies for periods of time, (3) imagine which frequencies to choose, which scale, and which medium — vibrations in gaseous air with a certain density and composition — to bring the original meaning back out, (4) imagine a wooden instrument with metal strings and a rosined horsehair bow that would produce the correct frequencies and sounds, and then (5) extract the complex wealth of emotions and meaning humans feel when they hear the song played.

It seemed hopelessly unlikely.

So I thought of it as a “Requiem for Itself.” And it made me feel deeply sad. But in a satisfying kind of way. Because the earth is still here, after all, in its own devastatingly singular way.

Another Voice

The next night there was another concert at the Orthodox Club featuring several Palestinian artists. It was a counter-concert to the recently-cancelled One Voice concert, which had had a platform for “peace” that participants were supposed to sign on to, but that was discovered to be deeply problematic by discerning Palestinians. Younger students from Kamandjati played first, followed by lute players and singers and Dabka dancers, and finally DAM, a kick-ass Palestinian-Israeli hip hop group.

But before the music started, as is unfortunately customary around here, several dignitaries had to get up and speak and remind everyone that people are in prison and houses are being destroyed and land is being stolen and Palestine isn’t free and we have to be steadfast, etc. Which is fine. But they really do tend to go on and on about it, and it was chilly out. And there was not a single person in the audience who didn’t already know quite well that people were in prison and land was being stolen. There’s a time and a place to be reminded of these things, but I wish they would just let folks enjoy a concert once in a while.

One of the speakers actually was quite enjoyable. He came on stage, an imposing figure with a long white beard, flowing black robes, a cylindrical black hat with a train of black cloth flowing from the back and sides, an enormous golden amulet necklace, and a long black staff with a silver orb on top.

I heard a Belgian guy ask an American girl next to me, “What is he, a priest?”

The American girl whispered, “I don’t know, maybe he’s Greek Orthodox?”

I leaned over and whispered, “Actually, I think he’s a wizard.”

He was a Greek Orthodox priest, and he spoke in ringing formal Arabic to the audience of mostly Muslim Palestinians about steadfastness and human dignity and freedom for this little nation, and the crowd loved him.

He really did look like he should be teaching Dark Arts at Hogwarts, though. Talk about pageantry. The Holy Land is kind of adorable that way. All the real power has moved to Rome and Riyadh and New York. But this dusty little strip of land still has style.

Combatants for Partying

The night after that there was a party on my Dutch friend’s roof with several of her friends from Combatants for Peace, “a group of Israeli and Palestinian individuals who were actively involved in the cycle of violence in our area. The Israelis served as combat soldiers in the Israel Defense Forces and the Palestinians were involved in acts of violence in the name of Palestinian liberation. We all used weapons against one another, and looked at each other only through weapon sights; however today we cooperate and commit ourselves to” a non-violent resolution to the conflict.

Three Israelis braved the checkpoints to come to the party (and three others would have come if their car hadn’t broken down in Tel Aviv) along with a handful of Palestinian ex-militants/freedom fighters, other Palestinians, and some internationals, including a Jewish guy from Canada who’s working as a journalist for the Palestine Monitor. One of the Palestinians brought an enormous fruit salad, and another cooked kofta bandoora (spiced minced lamb baked with succulently tender, delicately-spiced potatoes and tomatoes), and we feasted on that and wine and beer in the cool night air.

It was humbling to speak with Israelis who had previously been in the very same role as the people who currently make life so pointlessly difficult for so many good people here. People who in reality are caught up in the terrible game almost as helplessly as the rest of us.

These Israelis had been big enough to look past their brainwashing and humbly change their lifestyles and accept the consequences of realizing and accepting their own truths. Even enough to come to scary scary Ramallah after dark for a kofta party on a rooftop without a trace of fear. (No one who’s ever been a guest in Palestine will be surprised that the Palestinian ex-militants stressed to them over and over that “You are most welcome here any time.”)

One of the young Israeli women, now a photographer, said that the first thing that caused her to reexamine her belief that Arabs were nothing but crazed enemies was when she was manning a checkpoint in the West Bank and a random Palestinian woman about the same age as her mother brought her a gift of home-baked bread.

The story reminded me of the practice of ‘impressment,’ which allowed occupying Roman soldiers to conscript any Jewish person in the Judean provinces to carry his equipment for one Roman mile. Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, “If a soldier forces you to carry his pack one mile, carry it two miles” (Matthew 5:41). This is an (admittedly back-breaking) way of turning a situation of slavery into a situation of free will and service to a higher law.

And there’s an undeniable power in this. Christianity didn’t spread to 1/3 of the world’s population by the sword (and the whole burning-alleged-heretics-alive thing) alone.

One of the Palestinian ex-militants, who was one of the founders of Combatants for Peace, said his epiphany came when he was hiking in Wadi Qelt, a valley located between Jericho and Jerusalem, with some Palestinian friends when the weather suddenly turned bad. As they were trying to figure out what to do, they came across some Israeli settlers who were also hiking the valley, and they all worked together to get safely back to civilization.

“Now I could see,” he said, “they aren’t just crazy people trying to take my land. They are also human beings.”

(Dire Straits just came on the RamFM radio station here at Pronto. Life is good. I just wish I could afford more wine.)

After that there was another party at the Grand Park Hotel, which I normally avoid because it’s generally full of people who are too stylish and self-conscious for my taste. But “everybody” was supposed to be there, including a couple of Palestinian hip hop artists, and someone offered me a ride to it, and I was already dressed up, so I went.

The music choice was unfortunate (mostly loud and monotonous Israeli-style techno) until about 3am, when the hip hop guys did some songs, then the DJs switched to infectiously danceable Arabic pop music. And it was nice to see “everybody.”

At one point, though, I was talking to someone and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my throat, as if I’d inhaled a bit of burning cigarette ash. Soon the pain spread and I realized what it was — tear gas.

The guests retreated to the fresh air outside, and the security guys worked on sealing the exits, airing out the dance floor and bar, and seeing if they could find any clues as to who the culprit had been. (Probably just some idiot who couldn’t score with some girl he liked.)

In any case, after half an hour the party was back on. Almost everyone had inhaled tear gas before, so nobody panicked too bad. People were kinda pissed, but on the scale of things, this was a non-event.

Just as I was sitting here writing this in Pronto, two Palestinian friends showed up, and one of them was talking about how it was always the public that initiated change and the leadership that co-opted and capitalized on it, and in the process often perverted it toward their own personal ends. Like how Arafat had nothing to do with the First Intifada, but he ended it by signing the Oslo Accords and then allowed Israel to double the settlements in the West Bank between 1993 and 2000.

He spoke of one particular Palestinian politician who had signed on to a peace deal with Israel that was not a good deal and did not pave the way for a just peace. But he did go quickly from being nearly penniless to driving a late-model BMW. And of course there’s the infamous case of a certain high-level Palestinian politician making money by investing in a company that had secured a contract to build the Wall.

My friend said, “It’s always the same here. The people make history; The leaders make investments.”

Yesterday I and a friend enjoyed a bacon-and-eggs brunch with stone-baked rosemary Italian bread and a fresh apple-orange-carrot juice cocktail, then we visited a Swedish girl whose cat had just had kittens. I rounded out the day with a three-hour Turkish bath — steam sauna, small cold bathing pool, hot stone platform to lay out on, full-body exfoliation, stone basins of warm water and olive oil soap to wash with, and top-notch massage. A perfect Sunday.


Deleted passages follow the underlined portions on the pages indicated.



(p. 129) Shadi is silent for a moment. “Please call me if you hear anything.”

“I will. Same to you, OK?”

“Of course.” I hang up and think, Qais must have told Shadi he was coming to visit me, even though it was supposed to be a secret. I feel a slight pang of betrayal, but it’s quickly replaced by the realization that it was a very sensible thing to do in a time and place where he knows he can disappear at any moment without warning.

(p. 131) If you want to live in Palestine and not be a complete greenhorn ajnabiya, you’ve got to put a little starch in your spine.

On the one hand, I dread and fight against losing this sensitivity. If I begin to accept things no one should ever accept, I’ll have lost a part of my humanity. But if I weep for every kid killed in Gaza, if I waste a day with my gut aching hollow and my back bent in dread and fatigue every time a friend disappears, I’ll never stand up.

But if we don’t put ourselves in others’ shoes now and then, we risk losing sight of the silent helpless horror that lies just below the surface of what we think we know. We can’t ignore it just because it is silent, snuffed out and shut up. It is there, manifestly, and it will come for all of us if we don’t put out the fires somehow.

Shoot ‘em Up

(p. 139) At the end of the week, feeling exhausted, I went with Yasmine to
a place called Almonds, a cozy dance club near Sangria’s. It felt amazing
to forget everything for a while and just dance. I’d never heard
anything as infectiously, shoulder-shakingly danceable as Arabic pop
music. People kept buying my drinks (including an ex of Yasmine’s,
though I wasn’t sober enough at the time to notice her ire), and I chatted
with cute Palestinians and fascinating foreigners on the balcony
outside with its little potted palm trees.

Two days later a Belgian girl got married to a Palestinian man in Ramallah, and Osama invited me to their wedding. I borrowed a slinky amethyst evening gown and white satin shoes from Muzna and got my hair cut and styled. The wedding was in a swanky banquet hall at the Casablanca Hotel near the Clock Circle. The crowd was young and sleek, drinking beer and Johnny Walker at their tables and dancing to Arabic and Western pop music at an ear-splitting volume. Afterwards Osama and I had sangria at Sangria’s with some of his Communist friends, and we talked and joked and laughed. It was the perfect cap to a gorgeous weekend.

A few days later the Israeli army invaded Jenin with thirty tanks backed up by aircraft. With my heart in my throat I called Qais to make sure he was OK.

“I’m fine,” he said in a soothing tone. “Don’t worry. It’s normal.”

I rested my forehead wearily on my arm. Sweetie, it’s not normal.


(p. 144) Every few minutes Thaher would yell from whatever tree he was in, “Heyyyy, ya ammmmmmi!” He was greeting a favorite uncle, Abu Dia, and when breakfast was called I met the great man. He told story after story with a stone-straight face and a subtle, sincere voice that had everybody in tears from laughter, including myself even though I could barely understand a word. Nael turned to me, his eyes moist with mirth, and asked, “Did you ever watch the Cosby Show?”


“I think Abu Dia would be bigger than Cosby. He says all of that with no preparation.”

(p. 147) The kids were adorable and funny and full of energy, and they played any game they could think of while we picked olives. Armored vehicles patrolled the access roads that ran along the Fence, and each time they came into view the kids would excitedly yell, “Hummar! Hummar!”

When things became too quiet we’d call out each other’s names: “Ya Shadi!” and wait for acknowledgment: “Na’am?” and ask, “Keef al saha?” (How’s the health?), “Shu akhbarak?” (What’s new?), or “Keef halak?” (How are you?) Qais told me to answer, “Ahsan minak.” (Better than you.)

When that got old, I started listing in Arabic all the things I was better than, including carrots, Yasser Arafat, and the King Hussein Bridge. When I said I was better than khara (excrement), Qais laughed and asked, “W’Allah?”

Taqriban,” I answered cheerfully (almost), and everyone laughed.

View of a hill next to Jayyous that's been blasted almost totally bare for the Wall.

View of a hill next to Jayyous that’s been blasted almost totally bare for the Wall.

This used to be an olive grove.

This used to be an olive grove.

A piece of Qais's family land where they now have only seven trees. They used to have twenty here, before the Wall.

A piece of Qais’s family land where they now have only seven trees. They used to have twenty here, before the Wall.

You can see how close the Wall comes to the village, even though the Green Line is four kilometers away

You can see how close the Wall comes to the village, even though the Green Line is four kilometers away

Days of Penitence

Iman al Hams, the little girl killed by the Israeli army sniper on her way to school on October 13, 2004

Iman al Hams, the little girl killed by the Israeli army sniper on her way to school on October 13, 2004

A t-shirt made by an Israeli army brigade mocking the deadly violence that killed hundreds of civilians in Gaza in 2008-2009.

A t-shirt made by an Israeli army brigade mocking the deadly violence that killed hundreds of civilians in Gaza in 2008-2009.

(p. 155) “No. These may be my last days. In a way, I hope so.” I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. He sighed exhaustedly. “Ya skuchaiu po-Allah.” (I miss God.)

Suddenly I was overwhelmed by a flash of anger. I wanted to shout, “Fine, just give up and sleep in for all of eternity! How can you even say that to me?”

But who could watch so many proud young women and dignified old men humiliated at checkpoints? Who could watch the obscenity of helpless, impoverished, dispossessed people being bombed in Gaza like fish in a barrel? How long could and should someone stand it? A diminished life was better than no life. There was always a secret space no oppression could ever touch. But how could a valiant, or a sensitive soul bear it?


The beginning of this chapter should have been a section called “Grapes of Aboud” that ended up getting cut. Read it here.

Ramallah Ramadan

(p. 158) But I loved the star- and crescent-shaped lights glowing in windows and public squares and the special greetings of the season.

One evening two friends from Jayyous named Ali and Fadi were visiting Ramallah, and they invited me to join them for Iftar at a restaurant called Tel al Qamar (Moon Hill) on the top floor of a building on Main Street. Ali was a dapper high school counselor with a mellow baritone voice and an impeccably-groomed goatee. Fadi was a skinny young man with big brown eyes who liked to make puns in English. He had just come back from the Muqataa, where he’d delivered homemade food to his brother who worked as a guard there.

I asked Fadi, “How’s old Arafat doing anyway?”

“He is fine,” Fadi said. “You know any good Arafat jokes?”

I told him I didn’t know any Arafat jokes, and his eyes lit up at the prospect of a new audience. He told me a few that made fun of how Arafat’s lips trembled involuntarily:

There was an earthquake in Palestine. Why? Arafat decided to kiss the ground.

A man asked Arafat, ‘Why do your lips always move like that?’ Arafat answered indignantly, ‘I’m talking on the telephone!’ An aide beside him started moving his lips, too. The man asked, ‘What are you doing?’ The aide answered, ‘I’m receiving a fax.’

Someone asked Arafat, ‘Why do your lips move like that?’ Arafat said, ‘Sorry, my mouth is in Area C.’

Others made fun of Arafat’s powerlessness:

At a press conference after Israel bombed the Muqataa, Arafat held up two fingers. A reporter said, ‘Are you crazy? Why are you making a V for Victory sign?!’ Arafat said, ‘No, no, I’m saying stop bombing, I only have two rooms left!’

Fadi was interrupted mid-joke by the call to prayer. We got in line for appetizers: dates, almond juice, and vegetable soup infused with cardamom. Several men lit cigarettes immediately, but neither Ali nor Fadi did. I remarked on this to Ali.

He said almost cheerfully, “Sometimes in prison, the Israelis will take away a man’s cigarettes to pressure him. I don’t want anyone to have this kind of power over me.”

I looked at him in amazement. “How do you say this kind of thing with a smile on your face?”

He shrugged. “Yes, we smile. But you have to understand. Sometimes we are smiling with our mouths only.”

A musician played the lute and sang beautifully, and a view of the waxing crescent moon was framed perfectly in a window. Eating good food felt marvelous after the long hungry day. I could practically feel the nutrients percolating giddily into every cell.

On the first of November, I was finally able to move into the apartment provided by my employer. It had a huge living room with comfy blue couches, satellite TV, a sunroom, a bright, clean kitchen, and three bedrooms. The windows overlooked the Plaza Mall shopping center, which has a Western-style supermarket, hair salon, Italian restaurant, and dry cleaners on the lower level. Upstairs is a coffee house popular with teenagers, a fast-food joint called McChain Burger, a toy store, and an astronomically expensive United Colors of Benetton.

Palm trees lined the front of the mall, and a mosque with a tall white minaret blasted the call to prayer five times a day from behind it. Empty villas sat in the hills above, the abodes of diaspora Palestinians who had left due to the violence or been denied IDs or visas and thus had been bureaucratically expelled. I frequently heard gunfire from the settlements nearby, but it was usually far away and soon became part of the normal background noise.

On the day I moved in, three Israelis were killed and more than thirty wounded in a suicide bombing at the Carmel Market in Tel Aviv. The Nablus branch of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP) claimed responsibility. The bomber was only sixteen years old. The PA condemned the bombing, and a Nablus spokesman for the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades said the bombing was an “embarrassment to the Palestinians seeking to reorganize their own internal affairs” (even though the Al Aqsa Brigades had committed the previous bombing).

The news didn’t make much of an impact in Ramallah. Three more people killed far away by a group none of us belonged to barely registered. It was just more of the same—carnage on top of carnage, crimes on top of crimes, and no end in sight.

Osama called a few nights later and invited me to a restaurant called Ziryab (‘blackbird’). It was the nickname of a famed Iraqi poet, musician, fashion designer, geographer, botanist, and astronomer in the 9th century Umayyad court of Córdoba in Islamic Spain. He was reportedly a former African slave, and his nickname was due to his dark complexion, eloquence, and melodious voice.

My new living room

My new living room

The view from my apartment. I can almost hear the call to prayer now!

The view from my apartment. I can almost hear the call to prayer now!

The Plaza Mall, right next to my apartment

The Plaza Mall, right next to my apartment

The entrance to the Bravo Supermarket on the first floor of the mall.

The entrance to the Bravo Supermarket on the first floor of the mall.

Shop-shop-shopping along.

Shop-shop-shopping along.

Thin-sliced turkey and cheese, anyone?

Thin-sliced turkey and cheese, anyone?

10 items or less

10 items or less

(p. 159) It seemed a strangely irreverent thing to do given that only a few days earlier, Arafat had been flown to a hospital in Paris suffering from a mysterious illness.

I mentioned this to Osama as we were walking home. He said worriedly, “Yes. If Arafat dies, there’s a chance Israel will invade Ramallah with tanks and helicopters again.”

A thrill of excitement passed through me, followed closely by dread. A full-scale invasion in Ramallah… Tanks! In the streets! Jets and helicopters circling overhead. Blood, bodies, and broken glass. It seemed impossible that it could happen here. But it had already happened here, in 2002.

Rest in Peace, Abu Ammar

(p. 162) A brief controversy arose over Arafat’s final resting place. He wanted to be buried in East Jerusalem near the Al Aqsa Mosque, which everyone knew the Israeli government would never allow. In order to avoid an awkward confrontation, Palestinian leaders suggested he be buried in a stone tomb in the Muqataa in Ramallah, which could be disinterred and reburied if and when East Jerusalem came under Palestinian sovereignty.

Omar’s Story

(p. 170) Soon it was time for me to go. Dan had agreed to pick me up and take me back to Jayyous in a borrowed van. I shook Omar’s hand and held it for a while as I met his pale blue eyes with mine. There was nothing to say. We were fundamentally no different from each other. Yet he knew as well as I did that I would never have to come to terms with a misfortune anywhere near as incomprehensible as his. Something horrific might happen to me, but I probably wouldn’t be shot for no reason, and I certainly wouldn’t be transferred to a foreign country and held captive by people whose indifference was somehow worse, more degrading, than cruelty.

I left the hospital in a daze. After walking a few steps in the fresh air, I ducked behind a column and sank to the ground and wept. On the weight of my tears was not just Omar but all the people like him whose stories would never be told and for whom help would never come.

Qalqilia, the Palestinian city with 40,000 people totally surrounded by the Wall.

Qalqilia, the Palestinian city with 40,000 people totally surrounded by the Wall.

The agricultural outskirts (what's left of them)

The agricultural outskirts (what’s left of them)

The world quickly ends at the Wall (embedded with sniper towers)

The world quickly ends at the Wall (embedded with sniper towers)

Aerial view of the surrounded city

Aerial view of the surrounded city

Map of the Wall in this area. Lots of people are cut off from hospitals and schools.

Map of the Wall in this area. Lots of people are cut off from hospitals and schools.

On the other side of the Wall is an Israeli highway, where most motorists travel oblivious to the ghettoization of the people nearby

On the other side of the Wall is an Israeli highway, where most motorists travel oblivious to the ghettoization of the people nearby

My book

Fast Times in Palestine is in bookstores worldwide! Order on Amazon, or check out the book's website.

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Maintaining this blog and my website is an unpaid labor of love. If you'd like to help me keep it up, my Paypal email is pamolson02@yahoo.com

Many thanks.

Books I Love

A Doctor in Galilee,
by Dr. Hatim Kanaaneh

The Hour of Sunlight, by Sami al Jundi and Jen Marlowe

The Goldstone Report, edited by Adam Horowitz, Lizzy Ratner, and Philip Weiss

Mornings in Jenin, by Susan Abulhawa

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine, by Ilan Pappe

Zabelle, by Nancy Kricorian

Cosmos, by Carl Sagan

Impro, by Keith Johnstone

Improv Wisdom,
by Patricia Ryan Madson

Walden and Civil Disobedience, by Henry David Thoreau

To Kill a Mockingbird,
50th Anniversary Edition,
by Harper Lee

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